M.O.M.M.I. - Chapter 1
"Hey everybody, we're rolling out, looking for America's greatest drive-ins, diners, and dives…”
The voided darkness of late evening had overtaken the small but cozy living room apartment, leaving the glowing light of the flat-screen TV as the only source of light. Lounging on the couch in front of the bright, flashing television, an orange tabby cat with the name “Daisy” engraved on her collar laid waiting for her owner's return, her feline anxiety over being left alone was comforted by the words of a strange man with blonde, spiky hair.
RATTLE!
Suddenly, Daisy’s marble eyes darted toward the front door as the familiar noise of a key being inserted into the door’s locking mechanism meant only one thing: her human was home. Scurrying to her feet, the chubby yet spry cat leapt up from the couch and dashed to meet her human at the door. Sadly, her reunion with her human would have to wait as the sound of a keyring dropping to the floor was heard briefly.
“Ugh! Stupid…thing…” grumbled a female voice from outside.
Daisy's pupils narrowed, and her posture became rigid. She may not have known much English, but she could tell when her human was in distress. Fluffing out her fur, she retreated slightly toward the ottoman.
SQUEAK!
Shoving open her WD-40-deprived door with lines of mascara running down her face, Bethany’s night couldn’t have gotten any worse thanks to her boyfriend, Edan, or should she say, EX-boyfriend. What started as a dream date at a charming observatory with the love of her life ended in tears when Edan, out of nowhere, decided to end their relationship prematurely. On top of that, she and her favorite evening dress were splashed with muddy water as she ran home. Dropping her keys, on the other hand, was merely a moment of clumsiness and bad luck, but with the way her night was going, it felt like the entire universe was actively working against her.
Flicking on the light switch and kicking off her shoes, the withering expression Bethany wore became engulfed in hysteria as she locked eyes with a photo of her and Edan posing on the beach; one of the plethora of Edan pictures pinned to a corkboard that decorated the wall behind the couch. Angry and seeking any form of retribution she could get her hands on, she stomped across the living room, jumped onto the couch, and proceeded to tear down each and every image in which Edan was featured. “I thought I could trust you! You liar!” she screamed, her sadness giving way to all-out rage as she forcefully ripped apart the wall of memories one photo at a time, letting their tattered remains flutter down toward the sofa cushions.
PAT! PAT! PAT!
Caught in the throes of an emotional breakdown, Bethany's attention was pulled southward by a small paw thumping on her leg. “Oh…I’m so sorry, baby. C’mere,” she cooed, attempting to compose herself as she reached down to scoop up Daisy. “Mommy didn’t mean to be so loud. She’s just upset at the bad man who broke her heart. To think, I wasted nearly a year on that asshole. Apparently, I’m just ‘ToO iMmAtUrE fOr HiM.’ Can you believe that, Daisy?”
Again, despite a rudimentary understanding of human language, Daisy’s kitty-cat brain was only able to grasp a handful of English words and phrases, and thus couldn’t understand the question Bethany was asking. That said, what Daisy did understand was that her human was upset. Without warning, she lifted her paw and placed it on Bethany’s cheek.
“Thank you,” said Bethany, instantly reading into her cat’s empathetic gesture. Glancing upward, her gaze met the last photo of Edan left hanging on the corkboard. Sorrow returned to her face as she plucked it from the wall, this time much gentler than before. “I just thought he was the one, ya know? It…It’s not fair!” Her facial features scrunched inward, finding her fury once more as she shredded the final photo into nothingness.
“Mommy knows best! Mommy knows best!
Call M.O.M.M.I. now and we’ll do the rest!”
Amid Bethany’s breakdown, almost as if by fate, the show that had comforted her cat for many hours cut to a commercial break; its heightened volume and catchy jingle snapping her from her indignant stupor. Rotating to view the television, her fragile mind immediately became distracted by the colorful barrage of moving images.
“Are you finding adulting hard? Love life got you down? Tired of searching for Mrs. Right?” said a tall, busty woman, appearing on screen as the jingle faded into the background. “My name is Mommy Mae, and here at the Matrons of Motherhood Matchmaking Institute, or M.O.M.M.I. for short, we are committed to finding you the perfect Mommy match or your money back! We have profiles on dozens of prospective Mommies all over the country seeking darling Littles and Middles to dote on, so don’t hesitate! We’ll find you the perfect match or your money back! Call the number below or visit us online now, and start living your best life with the best Mommy today!” The jingle from the beginning repeated, playing out the advertisement alongside a collage of images depicting beautiful women caring for, servicing, and adoring the very mid-looking men they were paired with, many of whom were wearing huge, fluffy diapers on their butts.
Lightbulb.
No…no, it was too evil. Bethany was feeling vengeful, yes, but the image this scenario was painting in her mind felt like a bridge too far. Nevertheless, as she sat back on the sofa with Daisy snug in her arms, she found herself compelled to pull out her phone and check out what this M.O.M.M.I. thing was all about. Yeah, just to check it out. It wasn’t like she actually had it in her to take Edan’s credit card number–a number he had lovingly given her for a one-off Ramazon purchase–and sign him up for such a humiliating program…right?
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BZZZ! BZZZ!
Flinching hard as the vibration of his cell phone rudely awakened him, Edan groaned as he sat up and stretched his stiff limbs. To his dismay, he was not cozied up in his soft, warm bed. Instead, he’d once again fallen asleep on the couch while watching TV the night before, something that was becoming more habitual than he wanted to admit. He grabbed hold of his phone to check the time, completely overlooking the text that had been sent to him at such an odd hour. 5:02 am. “Welp…at least, I can get some more sleep,” he mumbled, wincing as he clambered to his feet.
BUMP!
“Ah fuck!” Edan shouted as his pinky toe collided with the edge of a cardboard box. Other than the couch, a pair of end tables, and his beloved shrine of game consoles, much of his living room had yet to be unpacked within the past two months of moving in. It was a symptom of spending the majority of that timeframe sleeping over at his ex’s place, though he could only lean on that excuse so much, considering he’d broken up with her a week ago by this point.
Hopping up and down on one foot while the pain slowly subsided in the other, Edan delicately eased his sore foot to the floor and began to make his way toward the kitchen. It may have been a bit early for breakfast, but his rumbling stomach didn’t appear to care. Thankfully, he’d ordered pizza the night before and still had plenty of leftovers, so cooking wouldn’t be necessary.
Inhaling two slices in under two minutes, Edan traipsed through his undecorated house as he made his way toward the bedroom. Unlike the living room, some amount of time had been put into getting his sleeping quarters in proper order. On the far wall sat his custom-built PC gaming rig, surrounded by shelves of figures, collectables, and other fandom memorabilia; his priorities were quite clear. Sadly, the same level of care and cleanliness was not applied to the rest of the room. Dirty laundry and used tissues lined the carpet surrounding his memory foam mattress.
Edan didn’t necessarily enjoy living like a slob. It was simply that he was often too exhausted to clean after getting home from work, and using his relatively few days off to tidy up felt like a miserable sentence. Nudging the grungy pair of jeans stationed on the end of his bed to the ground, he crawled into bed and tossed his phone aside after setting an alarm. He only had a couple of hours before he’d need to start getting ready for work, and he was going to savor every minute of extra shut-eye he could get.
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DING-DONG! DING-DONG!
A loud snort exited Edan’s drool-covered mouth as his rest was cut short for the second straight time. “Why?” he sputtered, flopping his arm over his chest to grab his phone. His alarm was set to go off in 13 minutes, so there was practically no chance of getting back to sleep. The universe seemingly had it out for him today.
DING-DONG! DING-DONG! DING-DONG!
“I’m coming!” yelled Edan, crawling out of bed and slipping on a pair of recently worn sweatpants before stumbling downstairs to the front door. The doorbell sounded off again as he began unlatching the door. “Hold your horses, I’m–”
Boobs. Massive boobs. Upon opening his front door, Edan’s train of thought swiftly skipped the tracks as he came face to face with two of the biggest boobs he’d ever had the privilege of gawking at; the kind that only ever existed in porn videos.
“Hehehe…” giggled a bubbly, hyper-feminine voice, filling Edan’s ears with the sweetest of sounds, “...up here, cutie.”
All of a sudden, it finally occurred to Edan that the pair of boobs that rested at eye level for him were, in fact, attached to a person. His jaw went slack as he tilted his head upward, failing to register the prominent morningwood he was sporting as he stared into the eyes of a Goddess with warm, blonde hair.
“Hi there, my name’s Jenn. You’re Edan Story, correct?”
TO BE CONTINUED…