Lawyer Dummy: Chapter 5

Light filtered through the shuttered blinds, landing squarely on Charles’ face as he snoozed at his desk late into the morning. Given the evening he’d had, it was no surprise that he was exhausted. He squinted and shuffled his head around, trying to draft back into a peaceful slumber away from the shining sunlight. Shifting atop his poofy diaper, he leaned back in his chair, lounging back into a shady spot to continue to rest up. 

“Wait…Poofy diaper?” 

In an instant, Charles’ eyes shot open as he starkly remembered the situation he was in. Looking down at himself, he sighed and shook his head, humiliated by the hubris that allowed him to put on such a pathetically embarrassing playsuit.  

Hearing the echoes of murmuring from outside of his office, Charles slid down at his desk, hoping that no one had noticed him in there. What would he even say if someone walked in on him? Regret began to kick in as he wondered if he should’ve stayed camped out in the far less busy storage area. 

Click! 

Charles’ blood ran cold as he heard the doorknob of his office twist open. He instantly slid out of his chair and ducked fully behind his desk, hoping that whoever was invading his office hadn’t seen him  

“Hey, dum dum, it’s me,” said Tina as she inched her way into Charles’ office. She instantly shut the door behind her, knowing that all it would take is one person to spot what they were up to. “Margrette’s still not here yet. Not much of a shock since she’s almost always late. I brought some breakfast, though. How’d you sleep?” She set a bottle of water and a blueberry muffin down on the edge of his desk and proceeded to watch him struggle to lift himself back into his chair. 

Scooching back toward his desk, Charles looked up at Tina and gave her a bashful smile, “Thanks and I think I got at least a few hours.” He moved to take a drink of water, uncapping the bottle and holding it up to his lips. He stopped just short, though, and proceeded to give Tina a suspicious look. “This is just a normal breakfast, right? You didn’t spike my water with laxatives or something.” 

“Pfffffff! Relax, the water’s fine…muffin might be a little stale, though. It’s been in the breakroom since yesterday, so you get what you get,” she said, causing both her and Charles to chuckle. As Charles proceeded to dig into his muffin, she eyed him up and down with a smirk on her face. As mature as he tried to present with his scruffy facial hair and well-trimmed haircut, the outfit he was wearing completely betrayed him. “So, like, ya know you can put your suit jacket on right? Might help in case someone walks in.” 

Midway through a bite of his muffin, Charles stopped and considered what Tina had said. Why hadn’t he done that yet? Swallowing his mouthful, he awkwardly stood up and waddled over to the couch in his office where he left his clothes from the day before. “Thanks again. You're already off to a great start as my new admin assistant,” he said, as he slipped on his white dress shirt and began looping the buttons through one by one. 

As Charles continued to get dressed, he was unaware of how his passing comment was taken by Tina. Her face was flush with pink, unable to handle even passing compliments without blushing. Charles’ comments were quite a shock given the events of the last 24 hours. “Wait…you still want me as your admin assistant? I deleted the blackmail stuff, remember? I’m sure there’s someone far more qualified than me,” she said, lowering her head and averting her gaze. 

Recognizing that his off-the-cuff compliment was taken with deeper sincerity than he initially realized, Charles fastened the final button on his shirt and offered Tina a kind smile. However, right as he was about to say something reassuring, there was a knock at the door.  

“Chuck? You in there?” said Ned from the other side of the door. 

Tina and Charles both looked at each other with fear in their eyes. “Quick, hide!” whispered Charles as he ushered Tina under his desk. With no time to do up his tie, he haphazardly threw on his suit jacket and sat down in his chair. “Y-yes, come on in!” he yelled toward the door as he scooted into his desk, inadvertently squishing TIna with his bulbous waddle spreader. 

Entering Charles’ office with a cup of coffee in hand, Ned looked around, seeing what a mess of paperwork and half-emptied boxes his space was. “Still getting everything together I see,” he joked, before honing his focus on Charles’s attire, “Hey, isn’t that the same suit you were wearing yesterday?” 

“Oh, this? Um…yes…I was, uh…” mumbled Charles as he tried to come up with a good excuse. Putting his lawyer prowess to good use, he calmed himself down and conjured up a believable lie, “....the paperwork. There was just so much to sift through. Sorry, I’m still waking up a bit.”  

Sitting down in the chair opposite Charles, Ned eased back as he scoffed at Charles’ explanation. “Burning the midnight oil on the first day. I knew you were the kind of go-getter I was looking for,” he said, grabbing the top piece of paper off of one of the stacks, “Have you found anything yet, or was this all a wild goose chase?” 

“Well, yes and no. I guess it depends on your level of leniency with Mark and his department’s spending habits,” he said, snatching the paper from between Ned’s fingers and placing it back on the pile, “He’s definitely been stashing funding to keep his budget up, but I certainly wouldn’t call it embezzlement, since basically every dollar has been accounted for through different projects experiments. We likely never would’ve gotten the Super Absorber without it.” 

Folding his arms, Ned straightened up his posture. It was a bit jarring how quickly he could transition from being a casual best friend to a shrewd boss in seconds. “So, I take it you recommend I look the other way then?” he said, his tone coming off as incredibly judgemental. 

“Well, I think that’s best left to your discretion,” said Charles, knowing that answering in either direction might put him in hot water down the road, “If I may ask a question, why are you hung up on the testing department’s budget? Sure, it’s bloated in comparison to other departments, but the company is making far more than it spends.”  

Snickering a little, Ned shrugged and said, “Mark certainly likes to think he’s craftier than he is. I just want to make sure everything he does is on the up and up. No matter what, we certainly can’t afford to lose him.” Sipping at his coffee, he shifted his demeanor once more, leaning forward and placing his elbows on the desk. “On a lighter note, did you get the chance to look over those resumes I gave you?” 

“Um…no, I haven’t really had the chance to look them over yet,” said Charles, wondering if now was a good time or not to bring up Tina as a possibility, considering she was currently hugging his diaper. Still, it may not be the worst idea to float her as a potential candidate early on just in case Ned did actually decide to downsize the testing department. “I did want to ask about one of your lower-level employees, though. Tina has been very helpful in getting me established and I was wondering if that kind of internal mobility was an option.” 

Rubbing his chin between his thumb and forefinger, Ned looked up at the ceiling and sighed, “I’m not so certain that’s the best idea. She can be a bit of a handful, and thrusting that kind of responsibility on her could have catastrophic repercussions,” he said as politely as he could. Part of him wanted to say absolutely not, but seeing as Charles was still pretty new to the company, he didn’t want to shoot down his first request outright. He giggled to himself as he thought about Tina as a corporate member of CrissBaby Diaper Co, “Then again, perhaps being your admin assistant would be the wake-up call she needs to grow up a little. I’d still highly recommend looking outside of the company, though.” 

“Duly noted,” said Charles as he felt Tina’s arms clutch him tighter around his waddle spreader. Not in a painful or sexual way, but in a manner that he could tell that she was looking for any source of comfort. He’d made a big mistake bringing her up to Ned. “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about? If not, I should really get back to the ol’ grindstone.” 

Getting up from his seat, Ned glanced at his watch before agreeing, “Of course, let me get out of your hair. I’ve got a meeting in an hour that I should probably prepare for. Give my assistant, Marshal, a ring if you need anything.” As he turned to leave, he caught sight of Charles’ pants draped over the couch. He decided not to mention anything and took his exit, suppressing a hardy chuckle along the way. 

Waiting until the door closed behind Ned, Charles collapsed on his desk and groaned. “Goddess, that was so stressful. I was worried he was gonna lean forward and see everything, he said as Tina began to pound her fist against the front of his bulging diaper, “Oh, right.” He promptly moved his chair back to allow Tina to escape. 

Staying silent, Tina sat down on the couch and laid back, snatching Charles’ crumpled-up tie and covering her eyes with it. “Wake me up when Margrette gets here,” she said, her voice cracking ever so slightly. 

Most people wouldn’t have even noticed the slight inflection in Tina’s voice, but Charles wasn’t most people. He made a name for himself in a field that required him to pick up on subtleties like that. She was upset, and he knew exactly why. “He’s wrong, Tina. You’re a lot more vigilant and mature than he gives you credit fo-” 

“Oh, save it,” said Tina, who was not in the mood to be patronized, “I doubt that there’s a single applicant in those resumes that’s less qualified than I am. Don’t you get it? I’m a fuck-up and everyone knows it. You’ll just be making things harder by tying yourself to me.” 

Moving over to the couch and plopping down next to her, Charles sighed heavily. “You wanna talk fucking up? I’m the one who got stuck in this stupid getup, and I’ve only been here one day! You didn’t push me to do that,” he said, watching as Tina slowly lowered the tie from her eyes, “In fact, since I’ve been here, there’s not a single person who’s done as much for me as you have. You’re a good person, Tina, and anyone would be lucky to have you as an assistant, including and especially me.” 

Sitting up, Tina’s moppy expression started to brighten a smidge. “Thank you, Charles. Let’s not go getting all mushy, though. There’s a high probability that we’ll be unemployed by the end of the day,” she said before launching into a fit of giggles, “Look on the bright side. If you do lose your job, you’re perfectly positioned to take on the role of clown baby! I’m sure all the kiddies would love seeing Chucky the Clown come waddling out in his big diapers!” 

“Haha, you're hilarious,” said Charles sarcastically, “Oh, and don’t ever call me Chucky again or I will destroy you.” 

“Duly noted,” responded Tina, doing her best to sound like Charles as she mockingly repeated what he said to Ned only minutes ago. 

KNOCK KNOCK! 

Once again, Charles and Tina were thrown into a panic as they scrambled to take cover. However, instead of waiting at the door as Ned did, Margaret barged in and said bluntly, “Yo, Tina. Would you mind explaining this cryptic note you put on my…desk…” her words slowed to a crawl as she gazed upon Charles trying to tuck Tina under his desk along with his giant, PVC-covered diaper. A big, smug smile formed on her face as she slowly shook her head, “Oh, this has gotta be good.” 

TO BE CONTINUED…