Lawyer Dummy: Chapter 8

An uncomfortable silence filled the air as Tina and Charles found themselves waiting outside Ned’s office. Dressed in a thick, fuzzy robe, Charles could feel the weight behind his eyes digging into his consciousness. He almost wished Tina hadn’t woken him up so soon after passing out, especially just so she could deliver the bad news. At least they were successful in removing the playsuit, even if their jobs were now in jeopardy.

Hugging her own torso in the seat next to Charles, Tina was a bit more on edge than her partner in crime. While Charles had taken a passive stance on the future of his career, Tina was a tad more concerned. She figured Charles’ odds of keeping his job were probably about 50/50 and if his odds were that bad, hers had to be almost non-existent. “You wanna get drunk after this?” she asked Charles in a half-joking, half-serious manner.

Shaking his head, Charles released a heavy sigh. “I’ll rain-check you on that one. As soon as Ned dismisses us, I’m going home and getting in bed. And I don’t wanna get out until daybreak tomorrow,” he said, letting his tired body rest against Tina’s shoulder.

“Heh, you’d better pad up if you’re gonna stay in bed that long,” said Tina, prompting both her and Charles to giggle, “I’m happy to hear you laughing in the face of certain doom. For what it’s worth, I am sorry about all this.”

Waving off Tina’s remorse, Charles responded, “Please, if anyone should be apologizing, it’s me. You never would’ve gotten into this mess if I hadn’t tried that stupid playsuit on.”

“You know what, you’re right. This is all your fault,” said Tina, causing them to chuckle once again. Even if they weren’t colleagues anymore after today, she was at least happy to have made a friend out of such a messy fiasco.

Click!

The door to Ned’s office swung open and out walked Margrette with a smirk on her face. Charles was initially confused by her smugness. It was only when she leaned in close to his ear to whisper to him that he finally understood, “That was quite a performance you put on today. Hit me up sometime if you ever feel like having any more fun.” She held up a folded piece of paper in between two of her fingers before dropping it in Charles’ lap. Then, without another word, she turned to leave, waving goodbye to the odd duo as she walked away.

“My dude! Talk about a silver freaking lining,” shouted Tina, too caught up in the craziness of the moment to contain her volume.

Meanwhile, Charles was too shocked to do more than stare at the piece of paper in his lap with the embers in his cheeks burning hot. With shaky hands, he unfolded the scrap of paper, unveiling Margrette’s ten-digit phone number inside. “Oh, if that’s my consolation prize for going through all of this, then fuck my job. It was all worth it,” he said as he tucked the piece of paper away in his robe pocket.

“Fuck your job, huh?” Both Charles and Tina resumed their stoic expressions in an instant as the sound of Ned’s voice snapped them out of their celebratory moment, “And here I was assuming you’d be begging me to stay on. Now come on, let’s get this over with.”

Lowering his head, Charles stood up from his chair and let out a rough, dejected breath. “C’mon Tina, it’s time to face the music,” he said, sharing a knowing glance with his cohort. Regardless of what Ned said, the two of them were in this together.

“Oh, not you yet Tina. I just want to speak with Charles for now,” said Ned, stepping back and holding the door open for Charles.

Looking back at Tina, Charles wanted to protest, but before he could, it was Tina that stepped in to speak. “Okay, that’s fine with me,” she said, knowing in the back of her mind that if she was going to be fired, she didn’t want Charles to see her at her lowest point, “I’ll see you when you get out. No biggie.”

As much as Charles wanted to argue, he also didn’t want to step on Tina’s toes. Exchanging a nod of acknowledgment with her, he inhaled sharply and stepped into Ned’s office. He sat in the vacant seat and waited for his boss to join him. “Listen, Ned, I feel like I should explain-”

“No need, Chuck. I’ve already heard more than enough from Margrette,” said Ned, cutting off Charles mid-sentence, “Sounds to me like you’ve had a pretty eventful 24 hours. Rest assured, this is the final straw for Tina and her antics so you won’t have to worry about this happening again.”

“What? No! Tina was just trying to help me,” said Charles, leaning forward in his seat. He could feel his words mumbling together as he tried and failed to suppress his frantic anxiety, “Th-This is all my fault. Tina didn’t put me in that diaper or playsuit. I did it to myself. I’d sooner tender my resignation before I let you pin this on her.”

Slouching back in his seat, Ned raised his left eyebrow. “Well, I certainly don’t want you doing anything silly like quitting, so I’ll take your word for it,” he said as he took a sip from his now luke-warm cup of coffee, “And as for your little play session, I hope you got it out of your system because this is your one and only warning, Chuck-”

“It’s Charles…not Chuck,” said Charles as he stared down at his boss. Internally, he didn’t know what had come over him. He normally wasn’t this combative with a superior. However, after the insanity he’d experienced, he had a shockingly elevated sense of confidence.

Scoffing as he placed his mug back on his desk, Ned nodded and held his hands up. “Sorry, sorry. I won’t call you that anymore,” he said, trying to hide the fact that he was slightly impressed by Charles standing up for himself on the second day. He expected him to wait at least a week before snapping about his name.

“Thank you. Well, if there’s nothing else to discuss, I’ll take my leave now,” said Charles, standing up from his chair and straightening out his robe, “Oh, and I want Tina as my administrative assistant. This is my final decision.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ned relented, “Fine, have her talk to Bryan in HR to get her transfer paperwork started. Just know that all of Tina’s actions will reflect upon you from this point forward.”

“I fully understand that. Taking that into consideration, there’s absolutely no one else I’d rather trust to be my assistant,” said Charles, narrowing his gaze with a smirk curling across his lips, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home and sleeping for the next 14 hours. See you tomorrow, Ned.”

However, right as Charles was about to make his exit, the door burst open and Tina rushed in to give him a giant hug. “I’m sorry but I couldn’t stop myself from eavesdropping! Thank you thank you thank you!!!” she shouted, her eyes watering, “I promise I won’t let you down, bossman!” She released Charles from her clutches and gave him a cheeky salute.

“I know you won’t, Tina. No one knows this place like the back of their hand quite like you do,” said Charles as he shared a sentimental moment with his brand-new assistant. Extending his hand, he and Tina shook on their arrangement.

“Aww, I love a happy ending,” said Ned, coming out from behind his desk and wrapping his arms around Tina and Charles’ shoulders, “Speaking of happy endings, you just made Mark the happiest person alive today. After he saw that video of you bouncing around in his old playsuit design, his mind went wild on ways to bring that project back to life.”

Both Charles and Tina’s faces dropped instantly. “Um…how did Mark…see that video?” asked Charles, his anxiety quickly bubbling to the surface.

“Oh, the one that Tina took?” said Ned, pulling out his phone and holding it up for Charles to see. Sure enough, it was the same video of himself bouncing up and down on his sofa-sized diaper that Tina had been binge-watching, “Margrette was kind enough to send it in the company group chat. You’ve really made quite an impression on only your second day. Good for you, Charles.”

Charles' face was somehow both burned red and ghostly pale at the same time. He turned to look at Tina, whose face was plunged behind her hands to keep her from busting a gut in front of her new boss.

“Is something wrong? You’re turning a bit pink there,” jabbed Ned, twisting the knife one last time for good measure.

Stepping in between Charles and Ned, Tina butted in, never missing an opportunity to taunt a subby Little, “Oh, he’s just being shy. I’m sure he’s dying to see the footage so he can relive such a glorious experience.”

“Relive the experience, huh? You know that’s a great idea,” said Ned, a wicked smile spreading across his face, “What better way to repay the testing department for misuse of equipment than to volunteer to test the new playsuit when it's ready? I’m sure Mark will be thrilled to hear the news.”

By this point, steam had begun to rise from off of Charles’ head as he was caught between being immensely embarrassed and furiously angry. “Hey, Tina,” he said through gritted teeth, “Unless you want your butt sore for a week, I recommend you start running.” He cracked his neck and rubbed his hands together, warming them up.

“Eheh…h-how was I supposed to know Margrette would…” Tina found herself unable to form a complete sentence as she slowly backed away from Charles, “...l-listen…why don’t we just sit down and discuss this like rational-” Without finishing her thought, she promptly turned around and bolted out the door.

Snickering as Tina snatched her purse off of her desk and rushed toward the staircase, Charles shook his head playfully, happy to have finally gotten the better of Tina for once. When he first applied to work at CrissBaby, he was so nervous that his diaper-loving habits would ostracize him from people who only saw this as a job and nothing more. Evidently, he had nothing to worry about, since his padded antics only served to make him an instant workplace celebrity. He inhaled deeply through his nose, feeling an odd sense of contentedness in spite of how embarrassing tomorrow morning would surely be.

Saying his final goodnight to Ned, Charles exited the office with his head held high, knowing that no matter what this company threw at him, it would be nothing compared to the stress his first two days on the job had given him.

THE END.